I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
