At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
