I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
