He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
