you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Shame is for Republicans.
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