He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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