My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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