Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
