Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
