watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
