i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
