I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's get the cat blown out
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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