I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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