Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
