i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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