I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
