We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
