Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
