I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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