Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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