The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
