guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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