Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
