I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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