Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
