i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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