it's not cheating when I paid for it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dick very happy bro
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
