White coat. Heels.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
