In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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