My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
