I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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