You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
