he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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