My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
