Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
