I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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