So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
