my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
