Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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