didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
