Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
