look no pants
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
