he wants to bone in the snuggie
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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