I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
