You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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