I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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