i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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