My first STD was from a foam party
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
