you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
