I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize