I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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