it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
