I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
