carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
