I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
